Success and Failure: The Lies We Believe

Do you ever feel like the whole world is against you? Do you feel like everyone and everything is conspiring to make certain you fail at whatever it is you are wanting to accomplish, become, attain?

I have felt this way countless times and become slave to the story I tell myself about how I can't . . . I convince myself easily of this nonsense and absurdity as if it were the ultimate truth. This amazing discovery was completed for me last night in an interaction I had with my oldest daughter. A mirror was held in front of my face as she reflected an exact behavior I have worked hard at overcoming.

Teetering on the precipice of that wonderful age of adolescence, my 11-year-old is entering into a time of new feelings, of confusion, of discovery-- she is experiencing an awakening. She is realizing that she is no longer child and not yet adult. She is learning how to accept success and failure-- both with grace.

My daughter has an amazing voice. She sings beautifully with an innate sense for tone and pitch. Her dream is to pursue her talent professionally and has taken the first step toward this goal by auditioning for the school of the arts vocal magnet program where we live. Soon she will find out whether she is accepted. The problem is acceptance is not purely audition-based. There is a complicated lottery system that also prioritizes applicants.

Last night we discussed all of the factors that could possibly prevent her from being accepted, assuring her that even though we think she has an amazing talent, she still needs to prepare herself for the possibility of not being accepted.

She promptly burst into tears. What did she hear?

-We think she won't be accepted
-We don't believe in her
-We don't think she's good enough
-We aren't encouraging her

This is actually what she said she heard. How did the communication get so twisted?

Wow! This was not what we said AT ALL! How did she hear something completely different then what we said?

My theory is she already had a story in her head about herself, about her audition, about what we thought. It really didn't matter what we said. She had already made up her mind about what she was going to hear before we said it. When we said she might not get into the school, she heard that the reason was because she wasn't good enough. What we actually said was that she might not get in because although she has tremendous talent, unfortunately admissions are also decided by non-talent related factors.

And then I realized that I am guilty of this exact tendency. The truth is we can all twist, obstruct, deny, confuse, and taint truth and fact with our own stories that are not based on anything but emotion, feeling and, to be quite frank, the lies we readily tell ourselves and easily believe.

Lately I've questioned why it is so easy for me to accept negative thoughts about who I am and why I am so reluctant to accept the positive affirmations I could tell myself or even hear from others. I've arrived at this: it's a lot more comfortable to stay stuck in wanting something then actually doing it. The difference between success and failure is action! Yes, there may be obstacles along the way but what great thing is not met without resistance?  So, I tell myself I can't, I am not good enough, I will never make it and then I believe it and I'm off the hook. 


It is much easier to stay put and never try whatever it is that is your dream or goal because then you are guaranteed not to fail. Right?

WRONG!


If you never try you ALWAYS fail. You are guaranteed to fail. So my commitment to myself is to dismiss the negative, self-depracating jargon in my head as lies. I, instead, choose to believe that I am gifted, capable and ready to achieve my personal goals, desires and dreams. I just have to act and do and begin. 


The truth is this life, this existence is on your side . . . conspiring on your behalf . . . giving you opportunities to succeed at whatever it is you are on this earth to do. We are all necessary. We all have abilities and talents and gifts that work together to make this life, this earth, this time, amazing.  If you never begin to pursue your uniqueness and offer it to the world, the world misses out on YOU.

"You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. . . everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant, which cannot be filled by anybody except you. This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions." Osho

So the next time you are seeking validation from others on all the negative lies you are telling yourself about how you are not good enough and that the whole world is conspiring against you and your ability to achieve, remember who you are. You know that you are wonderful, powerful and specifically created . . . start acting like it.

"If you've been feeling like the world is out to get you, it's time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars." Osho