Whole in One

On this journey of self-discovery I am realizing I have been living as half a person. It is the common, trite and misconceived notion that we should all look for another to complete us (thank you very much Jerry Maguire). It is a notion to which I subscribed.

As I delve deep into my heart, my mind, my spirit, I realize that true completeness is only achieved when you can see yourself as already whole. When you discover that your soulmate is within, it will blow the top right off your head. And then you will see yourself as you truly are: a whole, complete and perfect energy. Beautiful. You are filled with a light so bright it can not be extinguished or dimmed.

That is not to say I don't believe that companionship, relationship and love are essential . . . I do. I believe that love is why we are here. My mission is to love better. It seems the better I become at giving love, the more I receive it. 

When we already come to love knowing we are complete-- not looking for another to fill a void or to make up where we are lacking-- we then can offer true companionship. If we are still existing as incomplete, it is likely that the relationships we keep are troubled. No other can complete YOU . . . you must do that work within yourself. Relying on another for that will never be satisfying or even possible. 

If you are already in a relationship, I challenge you as I am challenging myself to immediately release your partner from the impossible task of trying to complete you. You will probably find a rapid decline of frustration, upset and disappointment felt by you and your significant other. 

When we look to another to make us feel whole, we hold them to an impossible task and therefore will always feel dissatisfied with their performance. True love is found when there is no expectation or need. True love happens when we are simply left to offer another compassion, support, a respite from all the demands outside. 

Say, "Come and be with me. Come rest. Come laugh. Come play. Come share life with me." This is much different than a demanding, needy and selfish love most of us are programmed to accept and give. Think about the love you are giving. Is it conditional? Do you withhold your love if you feel your requirements and needs are not being met? Do you only match the level of compassion, emotion, energy another is showing you at any given moment-- never giving more or first? Do you wait for another to be kind, or give you what you need before offering kindness or meeting a need in someone you love? Why? 

These are hard questions I've asked myself recently. Getting honest answers was a struggle. But once I shed the act of loving in search of real love in action, it was a discovery like no other. My focus is to offer myself in my relationships and to this life as a whole person. I am aware that no other can meet my needs. I am not seeking fulfillment. I am no longer armed with expectations. I am here to love unconditionally.