Wood

unfinish the finish
ringing circles through the grain
the steps
are steep
and
the forgetting
has
been
done
for quite some time
but the pressure remains
against
that dresser

Climbing

Pulled this book The Four Agreements, A Toltec Wisdom Book by Don Miguel Ruiz, from the shelf today. It's one from college when, like most, I was much less cynical, much less myopic in my pursuit of love, happiness and the spiritual. I always thought life to be a constant progression, moving me forward in my path to gain wisdom. I have discovered, however, this is not the case for me. Instead, life has occurred for me more like a game of Chutes and Ladders. I have times of climbing ladders where I feel I've gained a certain wisdom and then Bam! a rough patch hits and down I slide into a state of vulnerability and stagnation. In these times of decline, I resort to those habits (stubbornness, negativity, hopelessness) that have proven detrimental to my happiness.
The Four Agreements is a must re-read. Within these pages are words holding the power of transformation. It is not coincidental that most life-philosophies that resonate within my heart and spirit have a very similar platform: personal integrity, clear communication and a realization that our inner-dialogue-- our own words we speak to ourselves are powerful influences on how we perceive and behave in this precious life we've been given.
I must go read now. I have my hot tea. My new beautiful Kasya is napping and there is nothing pressing other than my own desire for climbing.
My last thought here is what if we all were apt to turn our focus inward, if we all as a collective pursued personal happiness ... how would this Earth, this humanity look?

CW

scales

Chin trembles
the tell I can't escape
shaken words
that come out mashed
and muddy
the anticipated return
your return
that happened
but not to me

and the silence explodes

sometimes the absence
reveals more
attuned to expression
and eye flickers
blinks
and inaudible pleas

what isn't said
makes the most sense
in the conversations
that drone on with no resolution
no lightening
no quickening
the life is drained
it never really began

and we never happened
I never even captured the
times when I thought it was truth
gone before I knew I needed to remember
the moments because it was over for you
before I could find my balance

Anticipation

wishing winds

blow through the night

branched roots in the grounds

fertile

sway with the tickle of the thoughts and dreams 

and passions

of the silent voices 

sending out 

their hopes and desires

into the 

vastness of 

future 

of 

tomorrow

of 

time

endless and light

with possibility

growing and revolving around 

the life chord

a life forms from 

two beats

before plans and paths 

were even formed

emergence 

with soft breath and 

first cry

expression of needs

before wants

love at the core

basic and pure

life 

Mind over Matter

"By clinging to your resentments, you rob yourself of your power, peace of mind, and your ability to create yourself anew."

Lately I have had more happy days than not, but those old demons, old patterns of thought, old and destructive habits of clinging with a death-grip to wrongs done to me creep up if I’m not careful. It steals my joy and undermines my happiness. The sad thing is I forget my own power to control it.

Truthfully, it is exhausting to keep up with a running tally of wrongs. It takes up space in my spirit when I store away pain, hurt, anger and resentment. When I free that space and let go of those negative feelings I am instantly and perfectly aware of a new lightness that is physically, emotionally and spiritually palpable.

I am inspired by words. I am inspired by wise words. I read the sage advice daily from @allowhappiness on Twitter and find myself stopping to meditate on the thoughts of those who have unlocked the secret to their own happiness. I am grateful for their journey and even more grateful for their ability to share their discoveries through their words. My struggles are not new; my battles are not unique. I am in a fight to overcome my own negative self and all that it takes is letting my more authentic self emerge… the me that smiles and loves and is invested not only in my own happiness but the happiness of those around me. We are all so full of power. We all possess the power to change our thoughts, which essentially changes who we are.

What I am learning is that if I am unhappy, it is only because I am choosing to be unhappy. If I am angry, I choose it. Moments of emotion occur… we can’t stop that. But what we choose to do with it is within our control. Feel in the moment, acknowledge it, let it go. We can truly become powerful when we realize that our happiness is only affected by our own thoughts… not the words, or actions of what is occurring around us.

Read Elie Wiesel’s ‘Night’  … an autobiographical work based on Wiesel’s experiences as a prisoner in the Auschwitz, Buna, and Buchenwald concentration camps. It is an amazing testament to the powers of the human mind to control one’s experience.

"This is the renaissance. This is the beginning of being able to discover that you are the creator of your own experience." ~Abraham-Hicks

Much love,
CW

paths

following the lead that leads to unsatisfied want
I turn
choosing the present, the now, fulfilled

no more than here
no less than possible

open

receiving the flow of energy, life, love, light
blocks placed only at the cracks
where darkness creeps and
joy erodes

and when darkened days approach
all around becomes still
I know my name
and reality crystal
will shine brightly forward
within

the opportunity in now

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.  ~Eva Young

If there is an art to procrastination, I have mastered it. I was thinking this morning about all of the tasks I could be completing. If only thoughts equaled action. 

More specifically, I was thinking about how I am highly motivated to do something at the wrong time and lose that fervor when it becomes the right time. As an example, I am currently obsessed with wanting to work out, to really get in great shape... I must mention I am 7 months pregnant. Coincidence? I think not. Pre-pregnancy, I was only moderately motivated to get to the gym, but I would daydream about how I would make sure my diet was perfect if I were to ever get pregnant again... I write this as I finish a venti cappuccino from Starbucks and pop the 10th chocolate covered almond in my happy mouth... (sorry N).

On my current To Do list: 

1. Purge and pack our home (two adults, three girls) to move in one month to a new house

2. Complete an online Real Estate course

3. Register our four-year-old for preschool

4. Enroll our 9- and 10- year old in a new elementary school 

5. Research and register girls in extra curricular activities

These are the priorities... of course, there is more. I list these here for my own accountability.  It has worked so far for me in the other areas in my life I'm focused on improving... my discovery: if I write it then I do it. Hopefully I'll experience a breakthrough in this endeavor as well. This could be my own Stranger than Fiction ... afterall, we truly are the author of our lives. Anything is possible...



The best way to get something done is to begin.  ~Author Unknown


much love,
CW