A love letter

It is only when we have the courage 
to face things exactly as they are, 
without any self-deception or illusion, 
that a light will develop out of events, 
by which the path to success may be recognized.—I Ching

The past couple of years have been challenging if I could only use one word to describe them. To sum up, I have ended relationships and began relationships; I have learned much about life, pain, love and forgiveness; I have learned even more about people—specifically myself.

I have done so much blind living, making choices without much thought as to their affect. Most of my decisions were/are made with importance placed on emotion, fleeting mostly. It is a debilitating way to live.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness and letting go. If you know me at all, you know I am stubborn. I demand understanding and forgiveness, yet I am selfish in giving the same to the people in my life whom I love the most. Instead, I opt to hang on to past hurts so tightly in an effort to avoid being hurt again. The wall goes up. Access denied. Instead of this working as a way to self-preserve… I am instead pickling in a briny stew of despair.

I have reached a place now where I realize that I must make a change. To have the love in my life that I want, that I deserve, I must move past old hurts. I must let go of my need for validation and vindication. I must love to receive love. And that starts with myself. I must love me. I must forgive me.

To write this with candor is difficult. I am exposing the weakest part of who I am. But, I seek freedom in it. I seek freedom from emotional prison. I let go of hurt. I let go of anger. I let go of despair. I let go of apathy. I let go of mistrust. I let go of negativity.

I let it all go and open up that space to invite in happiness, joy, success and love.

I promise to move my focus away from the past and toward the present and the future with renewed effort every day. I promise to love better and forgive quicker and let go forever.

I make this promise to myself and to those I love. Thank you for loving me through it. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for contributing your beauty to my life.

I love you.

-CW