My love

Your name is love
 hope
 chance
 forever
 always mine

I am yours


Unknown but perfectly planned
your presence is now 
blessing all that will be


Thank you my love

Simplifying and creating Harmony

I have a bad habit of over-thinking. I tend to analyze words, tones, expressions to a fault. I'm constantly replaying interactions in my head.

Why did she say that?

Why did he look at me that way?

Why DIDN'T she or he do or say this or that?

What did that (insert any interaction) REALLY mean?

It turns out it all stems from expectations we place on others to say or perform or do exactly how we think they should. When did I become so full of myself? When did I decide that how I think others should behave is correct or the only way? Reality check... I am not in control of anyone else but me. The frustration, anger, hurt comes when we think otherwise.

Today I am practicing simplifying my thoughts. Turns out I don't need to think so much. I can free myself of a lot of mental space if I simply release the need to try and understand why people say or do things the way they choose. I can instead let it be what it is, move on and not create meaning in it.

My desire is harmony. I am seeking harmony within myself, thereby creating harmony wherever I am.
We can choose to be complex, living in discord and bogged down in all of the unnecessary, or we can simplify by beginning to unclutter our minds of that inner-dialogue that gets us locked up in emotional prison.

Lead with your heart not your mind. Cultivate love, compassion and empathy and give it freely. Then we can begin to treat ourselves and others with kindness and let others be who they are without making them wrong. We can give up trying to control everything... instead focus that energy on controlling yourself.

"But only a simple heart throbs with God, hand in hand. Only a simple heart sings with God in deep harmony. To reach to that point you will have to find your heart, your own throb, your own beat." Osho, Dang Dang Doko Dang 

Presence and Totality

My 9-year-old daughter, Megan, has incredible focus. When she is involved in a task, she is completely absorbed in it seemingly unaware of the people, activity, and noises around her. As her mother, it fascinates me but also frustrates me if I have to call her name several times before she is even aware I'm speaking to her.

This ability of hers is actually a gift. It is the gift of totality--To be totally immersed in a task... giving it your all... all of your attention, focus and ability. If we all could apply this to each moment, taking one step through life at a time, giving each step your complete attention and energy, we could bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all we do. 

There is so much to be done in a day. For me, I have four children, I work part time, I have a household to run. There are countless tasks to complete, many projects and schedules to accomplish and maintain. It is at times overwhelming if I look at all of it at once. I am learning to become a list maker to stop this feeling of being overwhelmed. In my notes app on my phone I now have several lists helping me to organize mine and my family's lives. I keep a list for shopping, for cleaning, for chores, for organizational projects, for purchases. It has helped me tremendously to unclutter my head. Now I can spend my time actually completing a task on one of my lists instead of using that time and energy trying to remember what it is I need to do. 

What I am discovering is that I need to work on being completely present in the moment no matter what I'm doing. My lesson today is totality--Giving each moment my complete and total attention. 

There are tasks we all find boring. It is easy to forget the importance in your work no matter how menial we think the task is. It is not what you are doing, however, it is how you are doing it. It is a lesson I am trying to teach my girls as well. We are learning this one together. If we are washing the dishes, or scrubbing the toilet, or taking out the garbage, or mopping the floor, it is important that we are totally in the moment doing our best to complete that job. If we can do this in the boring, no fun, moments we can certainly apply this in the moments we are more passionate about. It is a habit to form and apply in all we do. 

Newness and Healing in today

Today, I woke up thinking about just today. How, on this day, I am alive, and that this day is a gift. It is new. I am new. Yesterday is finished. Today is just beginning.

Each day we are given a new opportunity. Did you fail yesterday? Today you can succeed! Did you feed your body junk yesterday? Today you can empower yourself with good nutrition! Were you impatient yesterday? Today you can be patient! Were you unkind yesterday? Today you can show compassion, empathy, love, acceptance. Yesterday is now only a tool to show you how today is full of possibility that you may have forgotten or been reluctant to pursue. Today we can begin!

Before my feet hit the floor I made sure to take a few moments spent in gratitude. I am grateful for so much that I forget to even give pause to recognize. What a refreshing way to begin the day.

And as I ate my breakfast, I pulled a card... HEALING! How amazing... How perfect. I am in the midst of a healing season. Not only am I healing from physical sickness, but also emotional and mental. I am in a whole body metamorphosis. I am a chrysalis.

An excerpt from the commentary on Healing:

"It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. The figure in this card is naked, vulnerable, open to the loving touch of existence. The aura around his body is full of light, and the quality of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering. 

Be aware of your wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things. Just for twenty-four hours, try it-- total acceptance, whatsoever happens." 

So in this new day, I am whole. To be completely candid for a moment, I want to reveal that I have recently battled a bout of postpartum depression. My first instinct was to medicate. I did not trust my  power and ability to overcome this challenge on my own. In the past week or so something changed in me, however. I suddenly realized I can trust myself. I stopped taking my prescribed anti-depressant. It is amazing how much better I feel. To be perfectly clear, I am not advocating or dismissing the need for medication. This is MY personal journey. I simply feel the need to share my experience as a way to document and journal. It just so happens I don't mind doing it in a public forum for the small chance my words resonate with just one... or many. :)

I will accept this day whatsoever happens. I will not bury my hurt or deny past wounds. Instead I choose to be open to love, caring and allow healing. I am letting go...

Patience...

I am becoming keenly aware that life has a funny way of making sure you really understand a lesson before you move on from it. My current lesson is patience. This is what I have focused on the past few days: being patient in the here and now . . . no matter what the circumstance. I am in a stage in life where there is so much I want to be different, whether it is simply healing from this nagging cough I've had for over two weeks, or as important as the complete healing of past hurts in a relationship. I am learning that being patient through the process is part of what brings us the outcome.

When our bodies are sick, in order to be well, we must promote healing with rest, nourishment, sometimes medicine. When we are wanting a specific outcome or result in a situation, we must also get comfortable with the process. We must do good work in the interim, learning how to be the person we need to be in order to be successful with that intended result. Otherwise we will be incapable of flourishing in the new because we failed to learn what we needed to move away from the old. We can get so hell-bent on wanting what we think we deserve, what we think we need, that we forget to recognize what it is life is trying to teach us in order to give us that want or need. We must take the opportunity to be patient and focus on what is required to transform us from this to that.

So in life's amazing way of helping us to really see what it is that we are missing, sometimes you just get dealt the right card. In my case it was the "patience" card, literally, in my Osho Zen Tarot Deck. Bam! Life said, "here, Cheryl, let me just write it out for you verbatim." The following is an excerpt from the commentary:

". . . now is a time when all that is required is to be simply alert, patient, waiting. 

We have forgotten how to wait; it is almost an abandoned space. And it is our greatest treasure to be able to wait for the right moment. The whole existence waits for the right moment. Even trees know it-- when it is time to bring the flowers and when it is time to let go of all the leaves and stand naked against the sky. They are still beautiful in that nakedness, waiting for the new foliage with a great trust that the old has gone, and the new will soon be coming . . .

We have forgotten to wait, we want everything in a hurry. It is a great loss to humanity . . . In silence and waiting something inside you goes on growing -- your authentic being. And one day it jumps and becomes a flame, and your whole personality is shattered; you are a new man."

I am challenging myself to be patient and learn what it is that I've missed in order to move from where I no longer wish to be to the greatness that is ahead. I am challenging myself to not be in a hurry to get there but to spend the time, to be thankful for the time, to grow and acquire and transform completely. I'm not ready yet for what is not in the now. My present is perfect even without the results I am looking forward to in the future. This is a beautiful time...

 

The power of WORDS

Words

I'm meditating today on the First Agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements, A Toltec Wisdom Book. 

Be impeccable with your word.

Our words are powerful, whether spoken or internally thought. We create, we manifest everything through our word. What are you telling yourself right now? How do you treat YOU? Are you loving and kind? Do you forgive yourself and offer grace when you fall short? 

When you are impeccable with your word, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not blame or judge yourself. Being impeccable with your word is directing your energy toward truth and love for yourself. Loving yourself is the first step to loving others. Speak kindly to yourself and you will find that your communication with others will be kinder. 

The power in a word is irrefutable. Think about the people you like to be around. Do they uplift you with their words or are they offering damaging statements? I have had a "bad day" completely dissolve just because of one kind word, whether spoken from a loved one or a perfect stranger. We are that powerful. Our words are THAT POWERFUL!

Be aware that your mind is a fertile ground. When you become impeccable with your word, your mind is no longer a fertile ground for negativity. You are no longer susceptible to the damaging words others may speak knowingly or unknowingly. You already know the truth. Make your mind a fertile space for the words that come from love and dismiss the rest. 

"With the impeccability of the word you can transcend the dream of fear and live a different life. You can live in heaven in the middle of thousands of people living in hell because you are immune to that hell" ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements.