paths

following the lead that leads to unsatisfied want
I turn
choosing the present, the now, fulfilled

no more than here
no less than possible

open

receiving the flow of energy, life, love, light
blocks placed only at the cracks
where darkness creeps and
joy erodes

and when darkened days approach
all around becomes still
I know my name
and reality crystal
will shine brightly forward
within

the opportunity in now

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.  ~Eva Young

If there is an art to procrastination, I have mastered it. I was thinking this morning about all of the tasks I could be completing. If only thoughts equaled action. 

More specifically, I was thinking about how I am highly motivated to do something at the wrong time and lose that fervor when it becomes the right time. As an example, I am currently obsessed with wanting to work out, to really get in great shape... I must mention I am 7 months pregnant. Coincidence? I think not. Pre-pregnancy, I was only moderately motivated to get to the gym, but I would daydream about how I would make sure my diet was perfect if I were to ever get pregnant again... I write this as I finish a venti cappuccino from Starbucks and pop the 10th chocolate covered almond in my happy mouth... (sorry N).

On my current To Do list: 

1. Purge and pack our home (two adults, three girls) to move in one month to a new house

2. Complete an online Real Estate course

3. Register our four-year-old for preschool

4. Enroll our 9- and 10- year old in a new elementary school 

5. Research and register girls in extra curricular activities

These are the priorities... of course, there is more. I list these here for my own accountability.  It has worked so far for me in the other areas in my life I'm focused on improving... my discovery: if I write it then I do it. Hopefully I'll experience a breakthrough in this endeavor as well. This could be my own Stranger than Fiction ... afterall, we truly are the author of our lives. Anything is possible...



The best way to get something done is to begin.  ~Author Unknown


much love,
CW

wisdom in love

A woman I adore recently revealed to me some words packed with wisdom that have completely changed the way I think...

"When we love someone, we think the best of them ... not the worst."

My immediate application was to use this as a way to validate my anger at the way some people in my life have judged me incorrectly. The real breakthrough, however, comes when we seek wisdom and apply that wisdom to create a newness in ourselves; our own thoughts; our own ways. My only focus is to better myself; not to change, or worse, to vilify others.

What I am discovering is that loving myself is directly correlated to how well I love others. It's a fantastic discovery.  And at the heart of those wise words is this lesson: When we love ourselves, we think the best about who we are... not the worst.

I leave you with more wise words dedicated to love. Love yourself. Be kind to you. Speak gently to yourself and that will radiate in every action and every word you provide to others.

“Something inside you emerges….an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself.”
- Eckhart Tolle

“Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.”

- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar 

For more visit 101 Loving Yourself Quotes

Much love,
CW

elements

Fire. hot words. hot thoughts.
feeling too much of that burning to protect the layers underneath.

Ice. cold touch. cold comfort.
no connection to the fleshy part of pain.

Diving in face first. eyes open. mouth open.
heart forgotten.

leaving prints of embracing and the faintest fever for another kiss. another time.
gone.

shivering and shaking. emerging more lost than found. grasping the air lingering with the scent of moments passed.

passed by. passed through. passed over.

the power of your mind

"The beauty of life is that everything that happens is meaningless. It is the meaning you choose to give it that matters." ~ Bashar

Words are powerful--Whether they are written, or spoken, or thought. I am taking a step away from the words I write and focusing on the words I think (of course I am compelled to write about this journey, however). These words need some attention. That inner voice of mine is loud, obnoxious, and extremely negative.
It is a freedom like no other to unlock the power of your thoughts. To say "no matter what is occurring, what the circumstance, I choose happiness." Our feelings, our thoughts are merely choices we make. I am on a journey dedicated to happiness. When I begin to feel negative thoughts creeping in, I am choosing now to breathe and refocus my thoughts, my energy on joy.

"You will never, ever find any higher or better or wiser guidance than your own inner  voice." ~ Chief Joseph

I have abandoned that familiar inner voice full of criticism and negativity, and I am intent on replacing it with a kinder, gentler, calmer, saner, softer voice that breathes love, compassion and encouragement into my life.

"Nothing stands between you and anything you desire other than your own patterns of thought." ~ Abraham-Hicks 

It is challenging to turn from the known to the unknown, especially when it encompasses a way of being. But, thankfully I have been blessed with key people in my life who have gone before me in this journey and exemplify success. I am in a state of gratitude for their example.

"Don't be scared if negative thoughts and feeling come up for you. Breathe and refocus." ~ Dr. Jennifer Howard

I share this inner journey with you outwardly because I feel that I am not alone in this. I don't believe it an exaggeration to say that we all suffer from an incapability to filter circumstance correctly. It is merely a choice to recognize that the difference between fulfillment and unfulfillment; happiness and unhappiness; even success and failure is determined by perception. We are all so powerful. Anything is possible. You control your happiness with your thoughts. Every emotion you experience is guidance that shows you who you are being in relation to the allowing or resisting of your own essential nature.

"Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside." ~Ramana Maharshi

With much love and hope, joy and happiness,

CW

A love letter

It is only when we have the courage 
to face things exactly as they are, 
without any self-deception or illusion, 
that a light will develop out of events, 
by which the path to success may be recognized.—I Ching

The past couple of years have been challenging if I could only use one word to describe them. To sum up, I have ended relationships and began relationships; I have learned much about life, pain, love and forgiveness; I have learned even more about people—specifically myself.

I have done so much blind living, making choices without much thought as to their affect. Most of my decisions were/are made with importance placed on emotion, fleeting mostly. It is a debilitating way to live.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness and letting go. If you know me at all, you know I am stubborn. I demand understanding and forgiveness, yet I am selfish in giving the same to the people in my life whom I love the most. Instead, I opt to hang on to past hurts so tightly in an effort to avoid being hurt again. The wall goes up. Access denied. Instead of this working as a way to self-preserve… I am instead pickling in a briny stew of despair.

I have reached a place now where I realize that I must make a change. To have the love in my life that I want, that I deserve, I must move past old hurts. I must let go of my need for validation and vindication. I must love to receive love. And that starts with myself. I must love me. I must forgive me.

To write this with candor is difficult. I am exposing the weakest part of who I am. But, I seek freedom in it. I seek freedom from emotional prison. I let go of hurt. I let go of anger. I let go of despair. I let go of apathy. I let go of mistrust. I let go of negativity.

I let it all go and open up that space to invite in happiness, joy, success and love.

I promise to move my focus away from the past and toward the present and the future with renewed effort every day. I promise to love better and forgive quicker and let go forever.

I make this promise to myself and to those I love. Thank you for loving me through it. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for contributing your beauty to my life.

I love you.

-CW